Like a burbling fireball Samuel viewed the oncoming red light with contempt. His stomach felt like it was about to explode and his bladder had to be leaking. He tried not to think of water yet he felt that nothing could help him as driblets of urine slowly soaked his boxers. The warmth eased itself gently onto his leg and he slammed his foot onto the gas pedal as he anxiously watched the light turn green. As he sped into his driveway he had already unleashed his seat belt while he opened his car door. Crashing through his unlocked front door Samuel gunned it toward the bathroom.
"Hey, what the hell!" Jason exclaimed.
In front of Samuel, like a boulder blocking a path, was his roommate Jason sitting upon the toilet.
"Bro! Hurry up I gotta take a leak!", Samuel stammered as he buckled his knees and held onto his groin as if it were likely to fall off at any moment.
"Alright. Hold on. I'm just taking a piss."
Samuel was so concentrated on not urinating on himself that these words took time to sink in. As he struggled with an oncoming rush of urine dribbling down his leg he noticed that that the bathroom didn't smell. There was no whirling wind of the fan as well. Samuel began to think.
"No fan. No shit smell. Did he just say he's taking a leak?"
These questions began to bombard Samuel's mind like cannon fodder.
Before closing the door Samuel looked at Jason who was still crouching on the toilet.
"What are you doing?" Samuel asked with the patience and curiosity of a five year old.
"I just told you. I'm peeing" Jason retorted indignantly.
He began to feel uncomfortable as Samuel watched him with a dumbfounded expression on his face.
"But you're sitting down. Why are you sitting down!?"
"Oh. I sometimes pee sitting down."
Samuel found himself losing balance. Urinating was no longer on his mind. He was trying to process new and unsettling information.
"Since when?"
At this point Samuel watched his friend's countenance change. His lips drew back and it looked as if he was just being found guilty of downloading lewd acts of unspeakable doing.
"Julie said that it's more sanitary for the bathroom. It's cleaner bro!"
Jason's voice squeaked as he spoke his last sentence. He was in defense mood and knew the onslaught was coming. Samuel perked up in rage. He felt that his friend's new found pussification was an assault on himself as well.
"And you listened to this! Look at yourself!"
Jason slowly peered down into the bowl.
"YOU ARE PEEING WHILE SITTING DOWN! That's what women do! You're a man! You're supposed to stand and piss. What the hell!"
Samuel found himself slowly backing out of the bathroom. After his tirade he felt drained and weakened. He never envisioned on seeing his friend so emasculated. A dilapidated couch welcomed his body and he didn't even rise to urinate as Jason sneaked out of the bathroom quietly. Without washing his hands.